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June-March 2001

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Best Friend No More

Ever since I was a child, I have been searching and traveling in an endless journey of finding a friend, until Jackie came. She was more of my opposite actually. I’m into writing and she doesn’t even consider it. I’m quite chubby and she is very thin. I have many friends and she, I think I’m the only person she could fit in.

I already came to the stage that I became doubtful of our friendship, but again she regained my trust, which I really admired. She is the only one whom I truly trust my heart. She’s the best friend I have ever had, the one that truly lasts.

But when we graduated from elementary, I began to feel awkward and longed for more happenings, more friends. I longed for a new life. I now belonged to a society of people, which sadly but true, she is not a part of it. I began to create my world, to acquire more friends. It’s not like we used to, I mean, before I am contented with her but now it seems that she would not be enough.

After a night of thinking about it, after a night of remembering our moments together, I began to understand that she’s not a part of my life anymore. She still calls me, and for some unknown reason, I am declining to talk with her. Maybe I just needed to grow up, to mature more and make myself known more. That, had been one of the darkest days I went to.

I really don’t understand how it all happened, but I try to tell myself that there is nothing wrong with her; it’s me. I felt totally guilty about what happened but I guess time will pass and the deep wound will heal. After a month of staying away from each other, I realized I needed some space, some time to relax and to get a peace of mind. Before, I felt I am the one who is really wrong, I felt that her best friend betrayed her, and sadly, that’s me.

After giving it a lot of thought, I knew the answer why. It is because the friendship is not meant to be. Maybe she is not meant to be. Maybe I don’t deserve her or she doesn’t deserve me, which brings me back to that long journey of hoping to find the real one. Again and again, I am not afraid to seek that friend. If I stumble, I will surely take the risk to stumble and stumble once more.

 

- Anne Pascual


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